Deep Space Nine Review. "Progress" 1x14

"When I first met you Major, I thought you were hostile and arrogant. But I was wrong. Bajor needs you. I need you. I like you, and I don't want you to be hurt

(But I still want you to give the old duffer his marching orders anyway!)"

Sisko and Kira have a good ole Trek heart to heart. (And indeed have something nice to say about each other for once in the first season!)

This drug cake. Will my Shatners bassoon really make me think a second lasts a month?

Synopsis

The provisional government hands a intransigent Anthony Hopkins lookalike his eviction notice, in order to render a habitable moon he lives on - to waste, in order to tap its power. Obviously the proverb of selling the cow for a handful of beans doesn't translate well in this neck of the woods! Oh and Kira gets all emotional (again.)

Review

I'm a tolerant chap vis a vis poetic licence on the telly. I don't write angry e-mails to George Lucas effusing that are we expected to believe that the Death Star laser, that can blow a planet up in a millisecond; won't harm a man stood two feet away from it, just because he is shielding his face with his hands. I don't really subscribe to the notion that ultra scientific accuracy should trump, or even be at the expense of entertainment for a soft sci-fi show or film. However there are occasions when something is so strikingly silly, it does affect the viewing experience (but not in this case the viewer enjoyment.). The plot of this episode revolves around a moon (called Jerrado) of Bajor that is going to have its core tapped to generate much needed power on Bajors surface. Firstly how are they going to transfer this power to Bajor to utilise it? Geothermal energy from the hot interior of a world is a feasible source of power, but you tend to have to be on the same bloody planet to feel the benefits! Are they going to build a huge pipe to transport the energy or something? Secondly the moon is inhabitable. This brings up two issues. Why has everybody just ignored this place? Kira says only a measly 47 Bajorans lived there at all. Bajor is said to be on its ecological arse after the occupation. Why are the Bajorans not queuing to settle the fertile virgin lands of Jerrado? The Bajorans have had spaceflight for a couple of centuries, why did they not settle it beforehand (If our moon was a class M planet, I guarantee it would at least have a manned science outpost, and most likely a colony too and we've only been in space a few decades.) Why did the Cardassians not make use of Jerrado as well? Mullibok implies he sat the occupation out up here. As I said this doesn't really temper my enjoyment of this episode, but it is a big oversight on the part of the writers. Perhaps if Mullibok had lived like an asteroid hermit off the game "Elite" that was made of unobtanium the Bajorans needed, and they were going to grind up for energy, then it would have made more logical sense in that regard. Never mind though, and on with the review.

As we said before the Bajorans are going to extract energy from the core of Jerrado, and this will render the moon uninhabitable. Kira and Dax are doing one last orbital survey to make sure the moon has been totally vacated before drilling starts. They discover 3 people who aren't part of the survey team, upon beaming down Kira is surrounded by two pitchfork wielding yokels outside of a cottage on the surface. The owner of the cottage; a farmer called Mullibok (who looks uncannily like Anthony Hopkins, but not from Wales though) - tells his friends to stand down. Kira tells him he has to leave as they will all be killed by the core being tapped, but he refuses saying he had enough shit of Cardassian bullies, let alone Bajoran ones. Kira tries pithy good cop tactics to win him over to her side (which shows us a new side of Kiras personality.), but Mullibok counters by using stalling tactics by inviting her in for a supper that will take hours to actually prepare. He spins tall tales about his past and says he has lived on Jerrado for 40 years and will die if he is forced to leave his home. He tries to bait Kira into storming off by patronising her with sexist comments , but in a nice scene, she twigs on to what he is doing before almost falling for it.

Kira decides to try to convince the minister in charge of the operation to postpone it so she can convince Mullibok to vacate Jerrado, but he refuses and says that he wont put off for three people, and if Mullibok won't leave of his violation, he'll have them beamed up without their concent. Kira realises that this tactic will likely do the old geezer in, so she decides to lead an armed team to perform a forced eviction. It predictably goes tits up after about three seconds, and Mullibok goes mental at the guards which gets him shot in the process.

Kira who had (surprise surprise) got emotionally involved with the charismatic farmers plight, disobeys orders (surprise surprise) and offers to nurse him back to health. She tells him about an old ugly tree that used to stand near where she lived as a kid. That she hated that tree for it being a big bastard that blocked all the sunlight and sucked all the nutrients away with its gnarled roots. But she couldn't bring herself to chop the thing down for some reason. It is sort of a metaphor for Mullibok too, and for Kira's (and ours) view of his plight. His behaviour is on some level self centred. He claims no to care that his intransigence will mean lots of his people will do with out. And even that he sat out the occupation on Jerrado and turned his back on his race. But despite all that, and down to Brien Keith's brilliant protrayal of him, we still feel some sympathy for his plight. That the needs of the many may outweigh the needs of the few, but it may not always feel like that if you are emotionally invested to the few who are on the receiving end. Sisko himself now turns up on Jerrado. He says that she won't be sacked for what she has done. This is really a turning point for the Kira and Sisko relationship. They were essentially adversarial at the beginning. In "Past Prologue" he threatened she was through if she ever went behind his back ever agin. But here he confesses that he was wrong about his initial assessment of her (see the quote above) her, and that Bajor needs people like her. That she is on the other side now, and can't just always instinctively side with the underdog in every single issue. She must fight for Bajor in other ways, ways she may not like. She has a job to do here, and she must do it.

It is brought up of course, that the forced relocation is really no different to how the Cardassians behaved during the occupation. This is not really the case. The relocation is unpleasant for the ones being moved (as it is for anything like this.), and there ain't any getting away from the fact that an old man is being made homeless, and that is by definition a horrible thing to have to do. But Kira's and the Bajorans first response to Mullibok was to persuade him to move personally. That he would be recompensed for the move. they could have beamed him up when he was knocked out during the fight, but they didn't. Kira used force only as a last resort. The Cardassians used force as a matter of principle. If they had wanted to vacate Jerrado for this purpose, they would have gone down there and shot the three of them as soon as they resisted. They may possibly have shoved them all into a labour camp. They certainly wouldn't have offered to nurse him back to health, and have used metaphors about gnarled trees.

Mullibok still won't budge and says everything he has is on this moon and that he will go with it. Kira realises that he means what he says, that he wail not leave whilst the cottage is standing. So she will have to bring it down herself. She takes a lit splint from the kiln he has finished building and torches the cottages. He now has nothing to stay for anymore. He has no option but to silently beam up with Kira, spurning her attempt at a reconcilliation.

Before I finish the review there was a B plot in this episode, about Jake and Nog buying some self sealing stem bolts (we never find out what they do, which becomes a running gag.) and trading them for land as the Noh-Jay consortium. It is hard to see any greater point this stuff is supposed to be about than providing filler showing the friendship of these two. But it is a case of one of those B plots that has nothing to do with the A plot, and actually being diametrically opposite in tempo to the main plot (this is a light hearted subplot to a serious main one.), which gives the whole episode an odd and clashing momentum at times.

Mistakes and Questions

Jerrado is the fifth moon of Bajor. Didn't Jake say that Bajor had three moons in "The Nagus"

Dax says that she thinks Morns facial hair makes him cute, and that she entertained going out on a date with him. I thought Trills were above such petty things as romance and relationships? You said it yourself love!

Mullibok says he was the first person to settle here (admittedly the tales of his past antics seem distinctly tall ones at that!) on Jerrado. Again, why did everyone ignore this moon. Did the prophets say it was out of bounds or something?

Kira tells her two armed guards that the trio don't react well to uniformed; armed soldiers. So it makes sense she walks into a tense situation with two conspicuously uniformed and armed soldiers. A bit of subtlety next time?!

Bashir says that Mullibok should be transported to DS9 when he is wounded by the shooting. I may not be 100% accurate, but isn't Bajor itself closer [to Jerrado] if you need to get someone urgent treatment?

Betty's Thought for the Day

The transmitted version of "Progress" diverged from the original intent of Peter Allan Fields (the writer) script. Allan Fields wanted Mullibok to be a less sympathetic and more ruthless character than the way he was performed by Brian Keith. Keith is extremely charismatic and likeable in the role. The original intention was to emphasise that Mulliboks seeming affection for Kira was purely superficial. That when he calls her by her first name he was blatantly trying to manipulate her, that he knew she was so easy to emotionally lead by the nose. The scenes where Mullibok seems pretty indifferent about Bajors plight, and the implication he shirked the occupation on his moon are perhaps left in remnants of this darker vision of how the character himself was originally conceived; that were transmitted in the final product. It is hard to say whether this portrayal would have altered the episode for the better (it would have made Kiras actions less ambiguous I suppose.). But Allan Fields desire to break a stereotype (the telly curmudgeonly old dude is really a sweet guy once you get to know him) is indicative of the DS9 writers willingness to shake the rules up in a way the later shows wouldn't.

Summary

Progress would seem at first glance to be rather a quiet episode. It is certainly short on things like action. But the episode does mark another turning point in Kiras character growth, where yet again she has to (admittedly not entirely successfully) suppress her instinctive desire to side with the underdog in order to fulfil her new and broader responsibilities to her people (however much she isn't comfortable with it), and a step away from being at loggerheads with Sisko and them both evolving a more amicable relationship with each other. The episode is a strong character peice (Keith, Brooks and Visitor all put in sparkling performances) with a nice bit of soul searching that doesn't veer into saccharine schmuck. If the episode has a flaw, it is the B plot that doesn't compliment the A one at all, and actually contrasts badly with it in its tone, which gives the episode some very odd pacing at times. But apart from that this is good stuff.

Rating 8 / 10

Next Time If wishes were horses..... I'd rather be reviewing an episode like "The Visitor" probably

Deep Space Nine Review "The Stroyteller" 1x13

"You're not the true Sirah!

You won't get any argument from me!"

Hovath and O'Brien

"Mum! Grandads been at the weed again. He now thinks he's Charlton Heston. It was bad enough when he had his "Yul Brinner" in Tesco!"

Synopsis

In which a bunch of idiotic villagers are threatened by a monster thats scary nature is somewhat spoilt by looking like a huge blob of custard pie foam. And some boring land dispute involving a fierce clan led by a standard 14 year old American kid, and a middle manager from Telford. What fun!

Because when I hear the word "Clan leader of rugged harsh territory and people." I always picture this guy.

and this girl as well.

Review

I'm going to break tradition with my review narative for this one, and start with the B plot of this episode which revolves around two remote clans (The Navat and the Paqu) on Bajor who are having some boring land dispute about their territory being all screwed up because the Cardassians redirected the river Glyrhond (the natural border between their respective territories) for one of their mines. Now one side has more land than they used to have, but the other wants (I can't remember which was which. I lost interest in the first 5 minutes.) the pre occupation territory. Now Kira says that the two sides are some of the sturdiest and most tribalistic people from the harshest land in all of Bajor, and that these negotiations will go badly. So who are the leaders of these rough tough people? Who would make the warlords of rural Afghanistan look like Sacha Baran Cohens Bruno? Of course! A paunchy middle aged man who looks like a middle manager of a polystyrene firm in Telford (The Navats guy), and a 14 year old girl. (Paqu) I shit ye not! It would honestly be like Hannah Montanna being a rural chieftain in Bangladesh (I.e not very likely.) Now I'm not saying young women haven't headed these sorts of societies. But Varis Sul (The Paqu leader) suffers from that old telly mistake of acting just like a young contemporary Western teenager in a supposedly uncontemporary non-Western one (Most noticeable in Disney cartoon films like "The Little Mermaid and Alladin". I once read that there is a remote clan of Pushtan warriors in the mountains of Pakistan who every year play the traditional local sport of kicking a donkey to death. That's how the Paqu should be portrayed (not that i approve of animal cruelty btw). Not as being headed by a teenager who probably timed the negotiations so they wouldn't clash with "Glee". When Quark patronised her with that drink, she shouldn't have just thrown it in his face. She should have disemboweled him! So to cut a long and not very interesting B story short. Sul ends up befriending Nog (who fancies her) and Jake. She feels she can't live up to her father, who was the last leader of the Paqu, (who was shot by the Cardies) and that she has never had a proper childhood. Blah blah. And the negotiations sort of get sorted off screen. The moral of this all ties in with the main plot of the burdens of being thrust into a role you never volunteered for, and that is weighed down with so much expectation from others. Look this isn't really Tolstoy!

So now we have all that idiocy out of the way, to the main plot. This episode began the ongoing blokey O'Brien Bashir relationship. As we know, they grew to become close friends throughout the course of the show. Well this the first time we see them put together properly and O'Brien certainly doesn't show any affection towards his future best pal at this point. He unsuccessfully tries to wriggle out of chauffeuring Bashir to a village on Bajor that needs urgent medical help or they all might die! Yes going out of your way to not do your bit to help people survive is preferable to spending a few hours with Bashir in a runabout! After the awkward trip and Bashirs unsuccessful attempts at small talk - they beam down to the village - which seems remarkably calm for the supposed medical emergency, and the local magistrate (who looks suspiciously like the space X-Files guy off "Trials and Tribbleations"!) takes them to some old bloke who is sick. He is the Sirah, and if he dies they all die.

The Sirah takes an interest in O'Brien, and he and Bashir learn of the Dal'rok, a creature that appears from the forest every harvest and tries to destroy the village. Only the sirah has the ability to rally the people with his storytelling and allow them to collectively drive the Dal'rok away. So if he croaks they're all a bit screwed. That night the Dal'rok appears in the village. I suspect they wanted to go for a fantastic ethereal look for the monster (a bit like in the manner of the Balrog off LOTR. Hence the name?) but the Dal'Rok just ends up looking like a huge blob of custard pie foam instead. The Sirah; despite Bashirs protestations - leaves his bedside to rally the villagers, who emit a magic brainwave field or something - that seem to repel the Dal'rok, but the old bloke collapses halfway through. The Dal-rok blasts the village perimeter wall and he appoints O'Brien as his successor, and is just about able to help the Chief manage to complete the ritual and drive the Dalrok off. Unfortunately the strain kills the elderly Sirah. The villagers however appoint Chief O'Brien the new Sirah much to the chagrin of Hovath, the young man who was supposed to take over.

O'Brien and Bashir manage to shake off the villagers who treat him like a celebrity (much to Bashirs amusement as O'Brien hates his newfound status. Nice touch to how their relationship would evolve.) , long enough to discover that the Dal'Rok doesn't seem to be a natural phenomena. Hovath comes to meet his "rival" and tries to kill O'Brien, but he and Bashir overpower him. Hovath explains that he was supposed to be the new Sirah, but couldn't rally the crowd. The Dal'rok inflicted harm on some of the villagers, and they don't have faith in his abilities anymore. O'Brien says he can have the position as far as he is concerned, and appoints him the new Sirah, but the magistrate says there is no way in hell Havath is getting another stab after last times fiasco. Now this highlights a particularly blatant flaw in the premise of this episode. In order for the story to work, the villagers have to act especially dumb, and I'm not even getting at things like how they fail to notice all that brain energy wave thing above their heads, and why hadn't someone had the individual insight to investigate this phenomena and rumble at least part of the mystery behind the Dal'rok (I'll reveal it in a bit.)? Think how silly the magistrates logic is for a minute. Yeah Hovath screwed up, and people got hurt. But Hovath is also the most qualified person to deal with the Dal'rok threat. O'Brien knows literally nothing about this thing. He is totally unqualified to deal with it. He hadn't even heard of it before he beamed down. Hell, he can't even fucking pronounce its name right at the beginning. Why are you so willing to 100 % put all this faith in him. If O'Brien fails YOUR VILLAGE WILL BE DESTROYED! This is serious shit. Why are you so confident in putting your life in the hands of a man who clearly is out of his depth? You NEED Hovath.

Hovath reveals the secret behind the Dal'rok. The village was riven with sectarianism a hundred years ago. The first Sirah had access to a ring (which all Sirahs have on them) which has a stone made from a piece of an orb of the prophets. To unite his people, the Sirah used the stone to create the Dal'rok from the villagers negative feelings. Thus with an external threat, they would band together and use the positive feelings (the brain energy field) to drive the negative (Dal'rok) ones away. The villagers say it is time for O'Brien to drive the Dal'rok off. O'Brien of course makes a complete hash of the storytelling and the Dal'rok strikes. Hovath realises he has to intervene or the great foamy thing will do more than coat them in cack. He manages to drive the Dal'rok off. The old Sirah you see knew this would happen. That O'Brien would be so monumentally terrible as Sirah, Hovath would have to step in, and the people would have renewed faith in thier true Sirah. O'Brien and Bashir make a sly escape whilst all the commotion is going on, just in case they make O'Briens job offer permanent!

Mistakes and Questions

I do have to agree with Phil Farrand of the "Nitpickers Guide." Yeah I don't doubt that the Dal'rok could have been effective (a bit too much. Would you have made it that arbitrarily physically dangerous, as opposed to superficially and demonstratively dangerous?) in what it was set out to do in the beginning. But wouldn't the villagers get desensitised to this thing showing up every year, then the empowerment speech, then it gets driven away. All repeated again ad nauseum the following year?

Summary

The Dal'rok plot was a proposed TNG script that never got made, but Michael Piller liked the premise and used it for the basis of this episode, and it shows. You could have stuck any alien of the week in here for the Dal'rok to threaten and it would have made little difference to the story. Meany is good at being humorously rubbish and out of his depth in the scene with the Dal'rok. "Once upon a time there was this Dal'rok.....!" There is some good banter between Bashir and O'Brien, with the former relishing his colleagues irritation at his new found fame, and it is not hard to see why the friendship between them was set up in later episodes. However it all relies on the villagers being total morons, and the whole monster thing is really pretty silly when you think about it. The negotiations are also just boring, and the Nog / Jake / Sul story isn't great either. The practical joke scene is quite funny though. So overall, it has good scenes in here. But it really isn't anything special.



Rating 6 / 10

Next Time

Kira has to try to get Anthony Hopkins to evacuate a habitable Bajoran moon which no one else apparently ever bothered to settle on. It's not like Bajor is short of resources, or was occupied by brutal oppressors was it?

Deep Space Nine Review. Episode 1x12 "Battlelines"

Kira and I are taking the Kai through the wormhole.

There is just something unintentionally funny about this line. It sounds like premise to a really stupid TV game show.

You want my hat don't you asshole. Admit it you bloody want it. I shall wrestle you naked for it before I let it leave my spiritual bonce!

Synopsis

The Kai takes a trip to the Gamma quadrant in a runabout, and it all goes badly wrong. I mean what other way was it going to go. Oh and war is like really bad as well. I feel some heavy handing Trek sermonising coming on.

Review

Do you remember the Culture Clubs "War Song" . Well this episode reminds me of it. Like Boy Georges song; its heart is in the right place, but the overly simplistic and unsubtle nature of both this song and "Battlelines" really spoil the point that they are trying to make, ironically derailing much of the valid points they were setting out to make. Honestly when Sisko is spouting the gospel to Shella and Zlangco, stick the tune on in the background and you'll know what I mean!

Kai Opaka makes an unexpected visit to DS9 (She's never left Bajor before.) She wants to have a butchers at the celestial temple. Sisko and Kira are sceptical (It's not like shuttles crash a lot in Trek after all. Teehee!) but agree to take her for a quick sojourn through the Gamma quadrant and straight back to DS9 again. I must admit that Camille Saviolas(The lady who plays Opaka) face is a treat during the trip. She looks like a kid going to Disneyworld or something. Nice touch! They are about to go back when they receive a signal (which obviously had read the script) Sisko wants to investigate it later when she's safely back, but Opaka implores him to check it out there an then as she doesn't get out much. They find a moon orbited by satellites that has lifeforms on the surface, but one of the satellites fires on them and they are forced to crash land. The Kai is killed by the injuries she sustains in the crash (If only someone had invented a device to keep people restrained in a chair in a moving vehicle!) Kira laments that her strife torn world needed the Kai who was of great spiritual support during the occupation, and that someone as remarkable as she, died in a senseless accident on some shitty moon in the middle of nowhere. As the Bajorans fret over the delay of the Kais return, O'Brien and Dax decide to look for the runabout in the Gamma quadrant themselves. The stranded crew are captured by the inhabitants of the moon, a roughed up bunch of humanoids led by Shel la, who looks just like Roy Schieder off Jaws. He says that they [the Ennis] are prisoners on this moon and are at war with the Nol - Ennis, who will now see the surviving trio as allies of the Ennis as they landed on their turf. The Nol - Ennis duly attack the Ennis stronghold and inflict many casualties.

Look it wasn't my idea to have the fucking talking dolphin on the show!

Kai Opaka suddenly appears though. She is restored to full health. Bashir discovers biomechanical microbes in her body which might explain her "doing a Jesus". Soon the "casualties" start reanimating as well, they have the same microbes in their bodies also. Roy says they shouldn't be surprised at this, it is a constant process. They have all died and been revived many times. Roys people exiled them here as they and the Nol Ennis wouldn't stop fighting each other on thir world. Far from immortality being a blessing, they are cursed by their people to fight a never ending war. (nice.) This is the important revelation of this episode, and it has two problems with it. I'll bring the first up now. the writers of this episode want to put across the message that war and hate are bad (as we obviously don't know that already.), and they consciously decided not to elaborate on the nitty gritty of the conflict. Just plain show that these people behave like mindless assholes. To do this the whole conflict gets simplified to something resembling a war themed straw man. The creative writing cliches are all there. We don't know what started the war, tick. We are all motivated utterly by mindless mutual hatred. We are (ironically) both as bad as each other, and our enemies are entirely like us, but we are so motivated by each others destruction to notice this. The "war" is nothing but a plot device to get the message across. Sometimes this is done to such an extent that it doesn't even make sense. In the next scene Sisko says that his people will rescue them, and he will take them all off the moon. Arrange a ceasefire with Zlangco (the leader of the Nols) and we can all leave (a place and life Roy says is hell), but he breaks the ceasefire to "kill " Zlangco and his men. I mean is Roy really that stupid? He has the chance to finally ESCAPE HELL! All he has to do is hold fire for a few days, get beamed up and they will never have to lay eyes on the Nols ever again (Sisko says the two groups will be relocated to different worlds.) But he launches a pointless attack that serves no purpose. Anyhow why has seemingly no-one ever just thrown the towel in with all this war? They seem to have been there for a long time, or so it is implied. This is what you get when you simplify stuff like this.

Kira takes time out to have a chinwag with the Kai. Opaka says that Kira is so chuffed off with the inmates because she sees stuff in them that she doesn't like in herself. Kira is mortified that the Kai thinks she is just someone who likes a good fight. She says that the occupation forced her to fight, and that all she has ever known is violence. But that doesn't mean she likes it. She's had her fill of violence. This is the first time we see that Kira is a religious person. That she deeply reveres the Kai, and why she was so hurt to think that the Kai may see her in that light. That the violence she committed doesn't square with her beliefs. And it's safe to say that the reason she was so pissed off in the early episodes, is that the Kai correctly deduces that she has never come to terms with the violence she has committed, and that she has to to find peace in herself. In a way it echoes Sisko's encounter with her, as he had yet to move on after Jennifer's death.

Bashir discovers that the microbes are tailor made for this moon and that anyone "infected" will die if they leave the biosphere on here. This is the second thing wrong with the revelation I mentioned. This reminds me of a comment a video games reviewer made about mid 90's beat em up "World Heroes". In this Street Fighter 2 esque game (and I mean really esque in parts!!) the plot was that a genius scientist had built a time machine in order to find out who the best fighter in history was. As the reviewer pointed out. What a monumentally lame use for something so marvelous and full of potential. Likewise, these guys went to so much trouble, creating immortality nanites, (tailor made for a moon as well.) - and just to teach a bunch of fuckwit warring tribes a lesson! Think of the wasted potential of that! Fortunately, Cheif O'Brien manages to penetrate the sattelite defence grid with a decoy, and slip in to retrieve them all. Kai Opaka meanwhile stays behind (not that she had much of a choice.), she believes that the prophets wanted her to be in this place to bring peace to these two factions, as was Kira - to find her inner peace. (or was that what I read in a self help book I shoplifted?)

Mistakes and Questions

Opaka gives O'Brien a bracelet to give to Molly (It's like she knew shew wasn't coming back or summat!!), and they make it out as sort of a big deal. Was this a plotline that was simply abandoned, or did she just give Molly something to flog on EBay?

How big a bunch of bastards are Roys people? Making them fight for all time? It is one of those incidences where the bad guys are made to pay the price by being subject to a far worse evil than the one they originally committed.

Kira calls the Kai "Opaka". In later episodes the Kai is called "eminance". Admittedly Opaka's successor is probably a stickler for formality. But Kira is shown to be reverential of Opaka. It's a bit like a devout Catholic saying addressing the pope as "Ratzinger"

The nacelle on the exterior shot of the crashed shuttle is nothing the same as the one we normally see on the model exteriors.

Bashir uses a medical tricorder to pronounce someone dead. You know what was supposed to be difficult to do.

The Kai may have survived if they had had seatbelts. Just a suggestion in a fast moving ship that gets buffeted around a lot.

I'm surprised Sisko and Kira didn't get the book thrown at them for putting the Kai in danger in the first place. I don't think "The old girl didn't get out much to be honest your honour!" will cut it at the tribunal.

Betty's Thought for the Day

Two scenes stand out in this episode that don't fit in the review. The first is when they discover Kiras file kept by the prefect (Not mentioned by name as Dukat) on her resistance activities. She is displeased (to say the least) to hear the rather perfunctory description of her resistance days! Secondly Bashir does suggest that he could "switch off" the microbes and let the warring tribes be at the mercy of death again. He suggests it is the "kindest" thing to do. Not only is this willingness on DS9 to muddy the waters, but it also leads Roy to the conclusion that it is the ultimate weapon, if his lot live and the others die. We see how he has become so corrupted by war he can't think in any other terms than that, even for an act of "mercy". It's one of the few subtle moments in this very unsubtle episode.

Summary

Battlelines is alright. It suffers however from the contrived immortality microbes thing, and the fact that the nature of the war and the sermonising around it lack subtlety and any real form of depth, and the planet sets and alien design aren't up to much either. It's not terrifically profound stuff to state that love and peace are better than hate and warfare. We sort of know that. The scenes with Kira and the Kai are probably the highlight (if also not terribly profound stuff either.) of the episode, and it really exists to get the unifying Opaka out of the way for future strife on Bajor in later episodes . Its not a terrible episode, but there's nothing really great about it either.

Rating 6 / 10

Next Time.

The worlds least convincing clan chieftain. A sky monster that looks like a huge custard pie, and that guy was the space FBI bloke in "Trials and triblleations."

Deep Space Nine Review "Vortex" 1x11

Home? Where is it? Some day we'll know... cousin."

Odo's response to the question "What is the most common thing spouses in Alabama say to each other in an estate agents?"

Child stardom eventually took its toll on Zak and Cody of "The Suite Life."



Synopsis


Odo must escort an alien fugitive from the Gamma quadrant back to his home planet without his vengeful pursuers nailing the guys severed head to their ships hull. An alien fugitive who claims he can show Odo where he can find his lost people. What is Gamma quadrant speak for red herring?



Review


Like "The Nagus" last time, this episode sets up (well more foreshadows) exposition that would go on to form the basis of later episodes of the show. Though not quite as comprehensive as "The Nagus", it does pose the question how much of the eventual arc story was preplanned beforehand. (Unlike Babylon 5, DS9's complete story arc was not prepared before the show aired) So we kick off with Odo who is doubly concerned that Quark is dealing with a bunch of Miradorn raiders (which he denies), and about Crodin, an alien from the Gamma quadrant who appears to be worried about something or someone. Odo shapeshifts into a meeting with Quark and the Miradorn over purchasing some jewelled egg that appears to have been stolen from a looted ship nearby. Croden then walks in armed with a phaser in order to steal the expensive artifact for himself. He ends up shooting one of the twinned Miradon, Ro-Kel; dead, before Odo can apprehend him. Ah-Kel; the surviving twin, swears he will get revenge on Crodin for bumping his twin off. As this is sci-fi, it is one of those "I will not rest till I have your head.... I exist only to avenge my brother now....." revenge speeches that baddy aliens make.


Odo suspects that Quark put Crodin up to the armed robbery, and has some evidence that he had procured transport to the Gamma quadrant in secret to stash his accomplish from the hands of the law. Sisko meanwhile tells Crodin that he will have to stand trial for what he has done, and asks would he like legal representation from his homeworld, to which Crodin explains that he is estranged from his homeworld of Rakhar, and that they wouldn't send anyone anyway. He also seems to recognise Odo as a "changeling". He claims that they live in the Gamma quadrant, and that he met some at a colony once. There were also some who lived on Rakhar, but they were persecuted and driven out centuries ago. He shows an astonished Odo a pendent he has that can shapeshift, it came from the colony he mentioned.

My people have many ancient legends about changelings stored in archives. We call it Memory Alpha. Though they also have many legends about dubious teeth whitening products as well. Sell outs!


Sisko and Dax make contact with Rakhar to say they have a Rakhari in custody. The authorities say Crodin is an enemy of the people and has committed many heinous crimes, and that they want him back to answer for what he has done. Sisko realises that they must extradite Crodin to Rakhar under the noses of the vengeful Ah-Kel and his Miradorn raider ship. Odo and Crodins runabout hides in a freighters wake to get in the wormhole without being seen by the raider. Crodin says that the secret police murdered all his family for crimes he had supposedly committed against the state, and that the fate that awaits him will be unpleasant. Ah-Kel meanwhile, threatens Quark to discover where Crodin has gone. Quark complies to save his own ass (Ah-Kel has figured out that the pair set up the robbery together and he is indirectly responsible for what happened.), but to be fair he does attempt to bullshit Ah-Kel by pretending he can't get the co-ordinates they took (it's a nice hint that the Odo-Quark relationship is a love hate one. He does try to stick his neck out for Odo, until Ah-Kel figures it out 6 seconds later!) Ah-Kel says "I'll be back" to Quark (honest to God) and storms out to blow Crodin sky high. The raider duly catches up with them and they take cover in the Chamra Vortex (which looks suspiciously like the Mutara Nebula from "Wrath of Khan". Largely because it is!) where the changeling colony is located. (how convenient!) Croden flies them there to shake off the Miradorn, because obviously an alien who lives on the other side of the galaxy can magically pilot a Federation runabout just like that. Odo instantly twigs on that this colony is bollocks, and that Crodin has come here for another reason. He owns up, but says the mythology about the changelings is true. The pendent is a key that opens up a stasis chamber, with his daughter in it (the only survivor of the massacre of his loved ones) The Miradorn find them and bomb the planetoid from orbit. Odo is knocked out (Yes; yes, see the Mistakes section!) but Crodin saves his life and helps him back to the runabout even though he could have fled the extradition flight. They manage to lure the pursuing raider into a pocket of volatile Toh-maire gas, where the weapons fire blows the Miradorn sky high. Odo in his gratitude at Crodins selflessness - and as he has a kid, allows the pair to seek asylum on a Vulcan survey ship headed back to the Alapha quadrant. Crodin says Odo can keep the pendent, in the hope that he can use it to find his long lost people.



Mistakes and Questions


Ah-Kel and Ro-Kel were played by the same actor (Randy "Degra the Xindi" Ogglesby) using the split screen technique. Watch when they first step into the bar to give Quark the nod and then walk off, you can see one "twin" walk behind the other, and he suddenly vanishes! Insert Twilight Zone theme now.

Remember in "the passenger" when Bashir says that tricorders aren't effective in deducing whether someone is dead. Well they work just fine on Ro-Kel in this episode.


The Miradorn twins are apparently so physically interconnected that they effectively act as one being. So if one dies, then they only function as half a person, or whatever. Hey guys if that is true, pick a safer job than raiding ships then! You know, not one that involves shooting, and being shot at.

The most obvious strange thing in this episode is when Odo is knocked unconscious by falling debris. Now a human is knocked out because we have skulls and brains and blood vessels etc. Odo is just made of goo, and in "Heart of Stone" we see him using his abilities to deflect falling rocks. And even if he can be knocked out, why does he keep his shape? Shouldn't he just revert back to his liquid state or something?

Odo's actions at the end are rather odd. I can understand that hew is grateful that Crodin saved his life when he could have left him to die. That Crodin has a kid, who would be orphaned and have no family, if he was put in front of a Rakhari firing squad. That Crodin is more sinned against than sinner. But the fact is Croden committed armed robbery and murder! I know Ro-Kel was a dick (if his brother is anything to go by). But he killed a man all the same. You can't even call it self defence. Crodin walked in there with a weapon, with the intent to commit armed robbery. Shouldn't there have been some consequences over this. (No I wouldn't have sent him to Rakhar, and I sure as hell wouldn't have let the little girl set foot on Rakhar. I'd have lied and said he was killed in the bombardment, which they do.) Couldn't the Vulcans have taken him into custody? If anyone would give him a fair trial, they would.


Betty's Thought for the Day.

This episode looks into the origins of Odo's people, who from the pilot episode, their origins it was established, were unknown to Odo and everyone else. We sort of learn here that they are from the gamma quadrant. They instinctively like order just like Odo, and that they got around a bit, but were persecuted and driven away from worlds. That they seemed to have been lost to legend and appear to be paranoid and isolationist these days (Well Quark speculates this for the absence of any but Odo anyway!) It was interesting how much of this would seem to be true as the show progressed, and that by driving them away, the galaxy may have learned the hard way the maxim that there is no such a worse enemy than a possible friend that was snubbed.

Summary



Vortex is the first episode to deal with the ongoing quest to find Odo's missing people. It sets up interesting threads about what happened to them and what would eventually become of this quest. As well as showing that although he may deny it to some extent, Odo still feels very much an outsider on the station. The episode is a well paced and never loses focus, and actually goes "out there" to seek the action rather than just all being set on the station. It feels a bigger and fuller episode than some of the other season 1 episodes which seemed rather contained. Although the issue of Crodin seemingly escaping Scott free from what he did may be a little bit iffy, this is a very well put together and entertaining episode.



Rating 8 /10


Next Time.

We learn, shock! That war and violence is actually a bad thing! We also learn that no-one in the 24th century has any concept of the seat belt. I'm sure it's not that big a deal, I mean when are these people ever in a position where they may be jolted around in a space ship travelling at a zillion miles an hour?

Deep Space Nine Review "The Nagus" 1x10

"Tell me, is the Grand Nagus here on business or pleasure?""Is there a difference?""No, of course not." Quark and Krax

Take good care of that sonny. I haven't been able to use it like that since "I love Lucy" was first shown.





Synopsis.



The Godfather of all the Ferengi comes on board DS9 to give Quark an offer he can't refuse. Quark gives Odo an offer he does refuse, which involved kissing his ample sabre. (No really!)




Review



This episode primarily exists for one purpose, to "reboot" the Ferengi and accommodate them into the DS9 universe. It is difficult to imagine after 14 seasons of DS9 and Voyager, that the Ferengi (v.01)were originally conceived to have been the major baddies in the then new The Next Generation. Vicious avaricious, treat women like dogs; little bastards - who flew badass marauder ships, and carried electrowhips, and were all mysterious and shit. (Though what all that swooping and leering was all about is anyones guess.) But it all went horribly wrong. (Armin Shimmerman, who played one of the first Ferengi, and then Quark himself said that the directors encouraged the actors to jump about like gerbils. Not entirely encouraging!) You see the Ferengi wouldn't have put the frighteners on Scooby Doo on a bad day, let alone the mighty Federation. The writers took one look at "The Last Outpost.", said "this is utter shite", invented the Borg as the new baddies, and turned the Ferengi into the secondary baddy aliens who got wheeled out to shoot at the Enterprise if the script didn't require the Romulans / Cardassians / renegade Klingons to do so. Thus Ferengi v.02 was born. This didn't really fit in with either DS9 or the Quark character himself so the writers decided to turn the Ferengi from unintentionally funny aliens to the comic relief for the show. So this last portrayal (Ferengi v. 03) is probably how the Ferengi are most commonly collectively remembered as. "The Nagus" exists to complete this transaction.




A cloaked figure wielding a sceptre shaped like a golden Ferengi head is sneaked on board DS9. The figure wishes to see Quark, he is Zek, the Grand Nagus of all the Ferengi. A kind of world leader / financial godfather guy. It is pretty remarkable how many staple DS9 tropes get set up in this episode. The Nagus. The rules of acquisition. The Ferengi being complete comedy money grabbing sods, and Nog's growing alienation from his Ferengi heritage. Even non - Ferengi stuff like the fire caverns on Bajor and the Bajoran Gratitude festival are name dropped. All of these would continue throughout the series. Anyhow back to the plot. Quark thinks Zek wants to buy his bar for a lousy price. It is literally an offer he is unable to refuse (see what I did there!), I mean you don't tell the Grand Nagus to sling his hook. Zek is about 150 years old, a wizened shriveled shrewd old rogue. The elderly Ferengi makeup on Wallace Shawn is something else, with all those wrinkles, and god that ear hair! Wallace Shawn just nails that role 100 percent in this episode. Zek eventually reveals why he is here. He has set up a business meeting in Quarks bar with some high ranking Ferengi. The Ferengi have so screwed their reputation for being trustworthy in the Alpha quadrant, that Zek wants them to establish a business foothold in the Gamma quadrant where their reputation doen't proceed them. Now this situation highlights a problem the writers had (admittedly for laughs) portraying the Ferengi as the ultimate free market capitalists. They may have made them amusing, but they didn't make them realistic. Now I don't trust big businesses at all, and what not. But they wouldn't be very good free marketeers if they had sullied their reputation as much as Zek says the Ferengi have. It is simply bad for business if no one trusts you to do business with them honestly. (The many misdemeanours of big business tend to go on behind the scenes. That is why they hire so much PR and stuff) The same thing when Quark berates Rom for returning a patrons dropped purse (and when Quark doesn't offer free refills for spilt drinks) citing the first rule of acquisition as "Once you have their money you never give it back." If Quark operates like that he will lose trade. If you are so blatantly extorting your customers like this, they just will not patronise your bar. Dodgy operators exist in real life of course. But only the desperate use them. it most certainly isn't good business practice. In business reputation matters, and Zek should not have let things get this badly out of hand.





The B story of this episode involves Jake and Nogs friendship, and how unusual it is for a human and a Ferengi to be friends with one another. It's essentially a tale about cultural expectation and determinism, and how it can be broken. These scenes mark a transition in Nogs character. It is inadvertently let slip to the Nagus that Nog attends a school run by a human woman. Rom saves his ass from the Naguses disgust by banning him from attending any more. Nog is devastated at this, and ends up falling out with Jake over it. Now Nog had been portrayed up to then as a bit of a trouble maker leading Jake astray. We see here he is a more complex character. He wants to learn and be educated. He realises that it is away out of not ending up like Rom and being Quarks fall guy. He wants something better for himself, and this really sets thre ball rolling for the development of his character.



Meanwhile Zek says he isn't going to lead this business Renaissance, as he is knocking on a bit and isn't as greedy as he used to be. So he has appointed his successor. Quark! Although this goes down like a turd in a Jacuzzi with the others, Quark begins to lord it in his new role as Nagus (and we get tons of "Godfather" homages too.). He even says Odo can kiss his sceptre if he wants! The other Ferengi magnates warn Quark about making rivals and blackmail the inexperienced Nagus into giving them favourable deals. Quark runs to Zek about how to deal with the bullying magnates, but he croaks mid conversation. In the funeral ceremony at the bar, Quark mocks Rom for wanting the bar, and narrowly misses being assassinated by a bomb. He is reticent to discuss who might want him dead with Odo. But Odo suspects Zeks loyal servant Maihardu may be behind his beloved masters successors attempted murder (he wasn't at the funeral.)


I said I wanted it to be my face on here. Why the hell would I want a staff with Mel Brooks' face on it!


After Quark makes Rom and Krax (Zeks son and spurned successor) his lackeys, they discuss a new method of getting rid of their boss after the locator bomb failed in the job. The trick Quark into going to an airlock where a ship bound for a trade mission to the Gamma quadrant is waiting. They seal him in the airlock, which has no ship attached to it which is unfortunate, and are about to blast him into space, when Zek orders them to stop. He faked his own death after Mahairdu showed him how to, in order to see how ready Krax was to take over as Nagus (i.e not very.) He realises he will have to stay on a bit longer as Krax and Rom screwed up so badly. Quark is surprisingly pleased with Roms unexpected ruthless balls in the whole affair and promotes him. Sisko meanwhile learns why Jake has been hanging around with Nog in secret. Not to mess about, but to teach him to read in his own spare time. Awww ain't that grand?





Mistakes and Questions



Cheif O'Brien is seen running the school whilst Keiko is on Earth. Considering how busy he always seems, couldn't they have found someone else to do this?



We are treated to the sound of Zek being tugged off (doesn't even bear thinking about!) in a saucy holosuite program from the ground level of the bar. Buy some damn soundproofing!



Jake says Nog can't read in this episode. Nog says there is no profit in education. Well that's not true at all (Though it shouldn't be the be all and end all of education.). Aren't highly educated people more likely to be successful and more equipped to cut it in a business world? Don't many people go to university to get well paid jobs. China and India seem to think this way at the moment!



Odo can shapeshift through a gap in the closed airlock of Zeks ship. (to spy on Maihardu)Shouldn't airlocks be designed not to have gaps, to lock air in in the first place?



Odo catches Rom and Krax red handed trying to kill Quark. Why aren't they charged with attempted murder. (perhaps Zek helped them seek immunity from the law?)



What ever happened to Krax? He is never seen or mentioned again, even though Zek is seen. Was he so dissappointed in him that he shipped off somewhere where he wouldn't be any trouble?





Betty's Thought for the Day.





We've mentioned a bit about the evolution of the Ferengi. SFDebris (who has become my spiritual king!) has a good essay on this in his OVEG review of "False Profits". Check it out.



Summary.





This episode serves an important role in shaping a lot of how the feel of Deep Space Nine would evolve during later seasons, as well as serving as an important (and successful) transition point for the Ferengi to the world of DS9. Although the Ferengi storylines weren't everyone's cup of tea. Wallace Shawn is great as the Nagus and this is a genuinely funny and entertaining story with great homages to the Godfather. The B plot is well done as well and adds to the depth of this episode, and the show itself. All in all a very good episode.



Rating 9 / 10





Next Time



"Vortex" Is there nothing on DS9 that won't get you sent to jail? And Odo finds an artifact that may lead him to his people, but will he find them at last? What do you think?!

Deep Space Nine Review "Move Along Home" 1x09

"First Contact isn't what it used to be!" Sisko.

How do you think I felt mate. I had to watch the fucking episode?

Not the kind of shit you had in mind when Paramount signed you up for that exciting new sci-fi show is it?






Synopsis


A first contact visit on DS9, with an alien race from the Gamma quadrant obsessed with games goes awry (Come on what other way would it go?), and puts the crew in jeopardy. And it forced me to sit through this 45 minutes of guff. I mean I actually sat there writing notes about this damn episode. If that isn't above and beyond services to the blogosphere, I don't know what is.



Review


Sisko is dolled up in his dress uniform. He has little time to fret over Jake's increasing friendship with Nog. A Wadi delegation from the gamma quadrant (The first official contact with a gamma species by the way) is on its way. In a worrying early sign of what standard we can expect of the episode - the look of the Wadi is just lame! They are basically just these weird looking humans with long hair, some pink tattoo thing on their foreheads, godawful spangly shawls, and the leader Falow who has a comedy Fu Manchu beard. He looks like the right wing pundit Richard Littlejohn, if he was dressed up to star in some bizarre mid eighties panto themed porn movie (It wouldn't surprise me if Littlejohn had done this for real!) The Wadi aren't interested in all that first contact protocol spiel and cut Sisko short, they want to head to Quarks for the games. Wadi love games you see. (Sisko's "Are you fucking serious dude?" face when they snub him like this is one of the few highlights of this episode.) Sisko sits forlornly in a bar looking bored (I wrote the book on that mate!) as the Wadi barter with Quark at the dabo wheel. They then spend the next few hours winning the game consistently. Threatening to clean Quark out totally, he gets one of his Ferengi waiters to rig their game to lose. Falow catches him red handed. Quark tries to placate his pissed of patron to no avail. (He offered them their winnings and a bottle of brandy on top. Not that I am defending Quarks antics, but it makes what the Wadi do in this episode even more reprehensible) They menacingly challenge him to a game of their own. "Chula".

Anymore skeletons in the closet Richard?.....

Of course there are!

Sisko awakes in a gaudy looking maze, which screams of "they cut the design budget we thought we were going to get." Falow appears and starts acting like a weirdo (this ain't David Lynch guys!) imploring Sisko to "Move! Move along home!" Bashir is in the maze, as is Kira and Dax. Bashir thinks that the Wadi are performing some first contact behavioural test (like rats in a maze)


Back in the bar Falow is babbling arse about "shaps" and "Chula" in his stupid game thing. And this is a huge problem with this episode. In large segments of it nothing happens, or what does happen is either meaningless or complete bunkum. The gist of the episode is that Falows board game in the bar, controls the shitty Fort Boyard / Crystal maze level thing our four heroes are trapped in, and what puzzles they must solve. Now that in itself isn't a bad idea. In the hands of a good script (and with better set design), this could have been the basis of a thrilling and well paced episode. But the whole feel of the episode is so bland and uninspiring. I think they were aiming at a sort of surreal, visually suggestive "the Prisoner" feel to the episode. Now I'm not really a huge Prisoner fan. But at least you have to give them credit for making it so visually surreal, you thought your brain had done a right turn 300 yards before sanity! Instead we just have insipid scenes in bland looking sets. One of the "games" involves just drinking a drink in a room full of partying guests and some poison gas, where drinking the drink acts as the antidote. Boooring!! The scenes in Quarks involve us watching them play some silly board game, that we don't really know the rules too, and thus don't care. The only (unintentionally) fun scene is the "Allamairaine" scene, which is seen in the still at the top. Where thy have to ponce around playing hopscotch with some little kid, and doing silly actions to the rhyme:




Allamaraine, count to four,
Allamaraine, then three more,
Allamaraine, if you can see,
Allamaraine, you'll come with me..."




which when you hear it will stick in your brain till the day you die. It will never leave your consciousness ever!!! Phil Farrand was right. Avery Brooks looks so reluctant to have to do this! Made me laugh anyway!

Odo questions Quark about the disappearance of the four of them. He surmises the pieces on the board are representations of them, and if Quark loses a piece, they will be harmed. Quark decides to take the easier route at first, whilst Odo suspects the four are on the Wadis ship somewhere. But a rescue attempt in the holodeck thingy just beams him back to the bar. Quark changes his mind and chooses a riskier but quicker route to move them all home, but rolls badly. One piece must be sacrificed to save the rest of them. Quark begs Falow not to put in such a position. Armin Shimmerman really seems to overact this part, he's literally on the floor crying and grovelling. Whether this was just Quark "playing up" to make Falow budge, or he really was this traumatised I do not know. What I do know is that they missed a chance to put a bit of pathos in the story. Quark and Odo don't know which piece represents which person. wouldn't it have been interesting to see Quark deciding to let the women he loves (Dax) live at the expense of the woman Odo loves (Kira). Or to save the Federation commander and face the wrath of Bajor over Kira, or the Federation vice versa. Missed opportunity. Falow reprograms the game to randomly kill off a player, and Bashir is zapped. But don't worry he reappears at the "home" area which is precariously located over an unstable rockface. Dax is injured and can't cross. She says she should be left, but Sisko and Kira remain with her and try to cross elsewhere upon which they fall and plummet to....

End up in Quarks bar. Falow explains they were never in any danger and glibly smirks that it was only a game anyway. He says they should try another first contact one day. Sisko looks like he wants a first contact too. Where his boot makes first contact with Falows face. The end.


Mistakes and Questions

Julian doesn't wear a dress uniform at the beginning of the episode. He claims he lost his. The real reason is that no male lead in TNG wore a blue dress uniform, so one was never made. Thus they couldn't borrow one from the props department!

I'm surprised the girl doing the "Allamaraine" rhyme didn't get zapped by the force field. She clearly fluffs the actions several times. Another chance for wanton cruelty to a child denied!

How daft is Bashir. He does the hopscotch actions to follow her, but doesn't realise he has to say the rhyme too. Duh!!!

Was Dax serious when she said she would leave Sisko if he was hurt and she wasn't?


Bettys Thought for the Day


This is one of those episodes where part of the premise actually becomes so immoral, or just plain wrong, that I feel I must downgrade the final rating purely on this basis. Even disregarding this downgrading of the score on this behalf, this is still the worst episode of the season, but it isn't quite as bad as say; "Meridian" or "Profit and Lace.", more a 3; than a 1 out of 10. No what compounds the awfulness of this episode is Falow's "it's a game" comment after the way he treated the four unwitting "contestants" in his stupid Chula thing. That comment is the default excuse of the bully (or the perennial "It's only a joke"), in justifying the tormenting of a victim who probably didn't think it was either of these at the time. Now I'm not justifying Quark cheating them, or rigging his tables to get the huge winnings back (I'm surprised these guys who love games so much, are this surprised that this does go on.) But let us reiterate how despicably Falow behaved (to people who went out of their way to welcome and entertain him and his asshole mates at that, on the part of the Starfleet officers.). Yeah he'd be angry Quark tried ripping him off, anyone would be. But, and this is the smoking gun my friends. HE KIDNAPPED AND TORMENTED INNOCENT PEOPLE AGAINST THEIR WILL TO GET BACK AT A MAN WHOSE CRIMES WERE NOTHING WHATSOEVER TO DO WITH THEM IN ANY WAY! That is just despicable! And not only did he do this. He PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY HARMED THEM AS WELL!! Both Kira and Bashir cried out in pain when they hit that force field during the Allamaraine nonsense. They were suffocated with nerve gas. Dax was visibly in lots of pain on the earthquake. Hell, they even thought Bashir was dead at one point, and that they would die a horrible death plummeting off a ravine! Even aside of all of this. It would be a pretty traumatic experience to subject an unprepared person to. But whatever am I blathering on about here? It was after all only a game.

Twats. I'd have blown their ship up when they left! It is after all only a game!


Summary



Move Along Home is by far the weakest episode of the first season. Whilst not as bad as the bottom end of the later seasons, it's still pretty lame. It's obviously a victim of budget cuts, but suffers from insipid design and uninspiring set pieces and imagery. Falow's actions are nigh on reprehensible and there is no fall out or negative consequence on his behalf. He just dismisses it and buggers off. Boo! I watched this episode because I had to review it. I don't think I'll be watching it again any time soon. A poor effort.


Rating 2 / 10


Next Time.


"The Nagus" Where we have the final reimagining of the Ferengi. (Ferengi v0.3). And I become entranced by a 150 year old mans ear hair.

Deep Space Nine Review. "The Passenger" 1x08

"What kind of fool are you?" Ty Kajida.

"My own special variety" Odo

I can't think of anything particularly pithy to say about this line. I just think it is a splendid retort!

Dodgy looking alien cadaver of former baddy scientist. I wonder where this plot may be boldly going?



Synopsis

It's the alien possesses one of our heroes story. Bashir commits crimes against acting, and Adrian Chiles shows up. God are "Daybreaks" ratings that bad?!

Review



Bashir is yet again boasting about his medical skills, and just how fricking awesome he is. This is just in case we forget that he is supposed to be an overbearing swaggering great cock of a human being, for about the fifth time this season. (They crank the asshole scale to 11, by having him banging on about "destiny fated him" to be a great healer*, and that he even impresses himself sometimes. What a cockend) God, or the prophets intervene to shut him up with a distress signal from a Kobliad ship which is breaking up. They rescue security chief Ty Kajada (who looks and sounds like Na'toth of Babylon 5. I can't imagine why! (-;{). There is another occupant in one of the cells. Kajada implores Bashir not to save his life and to leave him to a fiery fate, as he is an extremely dangerous criminal. Bashir refuses to just leave him there, and the dying man implores him to "make me live" before croaking on there the spot.




On DS9 Kajada wants to inspect the body of Vantika (the dead criminal). she is paranoid about being doubly sure he has kicked the space bucket. He was some mad scientist who used various incredibly dodgy methods to prolong his life anyway he could, and has the habit of faking his own death to evade capture.



Odo warns Quark not to have eyes for a shipment of rare deuridium ore bound for DS9, in the manner of him having eyes for Jadzia. This is where we meet Adrian Chiles lookalike, Leutenant George Primmin, a Starfleet security officer who appeared for this episode and the next. Primmin was essentially a prototype version of Michael Eddington, a qualified Starfleet security officer who would conflict with the unorthodox approach to law enforcement by Odo. This was a good idea, and brought some good conflict scenes between Primmin and Odo, and Odo and Sisko, where Odo even threatens to resign in a scene very reminiscent of "The Search" where he felt his position was being undermined by Starfleet. Admittedly it works better in the context of the whole Dominion thing, what with the increased security and other issues we shall look at when the time comes. So perhaps they shelved this plot for later, when it was more dramatically in context, and why Primmin disappeared so quickly.


Whilst Dax surmises Kajada is so zealous about the threat even a dead Vantika poses, because she has been so consumed with apprehending him for so long. Primmin complains to Odo, that namedropping the deuridium shipment (that is very valuable as the dying Koblaid species need to survive.) in front of everyone in Quarks bar was a risky idea. Odo tells him to fuck off and mind his own Starfleet business as he's chief here. Sisko warns a put out Primmin that he shouldn't be seen as lording the Starfleet spiel over their Bajoran hosts, and that no-one watches "Daybreak" anyway.

"Should have stuck with Christoyne on the wun shoaw! Having to pretend to be interested in whimsical TV links on roundabouts in Swindon, and bat colonies, sure boyts being on deep spoyce noyne!"

Odo realises someone has purged a load of computer files through a complex but indirect means. Kajada says Vantika has pulled this stunt before. Sisko doesn't accept that Vantika has somehow survived his death, but he may have an accomplice who wants to steal the valuable ore. Things get more mysterious when they discover someone snuck on board Kajadas ship and pinched some files pertaining to the humanoid brain. A cloaked figure threatens Quark in his deserted bar. He claims to be Vantika! Quark had pre - agreed to help him gather up some mercenaries to er... borrow the ore freighter, thus why he was nearby when the ship was damaged.

Dax thinks Kajada is right that Vantika managed to "transfer" himself from death. He has a tidgy mind control thing that works by bullshit science altering brainwaves (look does anyone really care about the minutia of this?) so he can possess them. Bashir thinks Kajada has been "possessed" (though if she had, why would she say he could cheat death? Encourage them to at least entertain the possibility? Vantika could just do what he wanted undetected?). I must add that this was the original idea in Morgan Gendell's original draft (and it perhaps would have been a more sensible "host"). But honestly you never fall for Kajada being Vantika for a minute. Odo says they should cut her out the loop in the investigation. That she'll be forced to show her hand and reveal herself. But Kajada just does her own unofficial investigation and is incapacitated in the attempt. It turns out Bashir is Vantika (yeah, I was surprised as well. Not!), he leads the mercenaries on a runabout to seize the freighter. We know Bashir is now evil, because he starts speaking slowly in a deep voice. Now I don't know if this was bad direction, or just Alex Siddig being thrust into such an unusual take on his normal role (Alex is a good actor in my opinion, and he played Bashir very well.) but his performance as Vantika is just... bad. It is so forced and laboured. He threatens DS9 to release their tractor grip of the freighter, or he'll attempt to escape, killing Bashir (which is a bit weird for someon so determined to be essentially immortal) and spreading yucky deuridium all over the Bajoran system (because it's not like a star system is very big volume wise, relative to a small cargo ship or anything) Dax suggests sending an EM signal through the tractor beam that would reawaken Bashirs personality and they stall him long enough to do just that. Vantika fights the Bashir personality, but he prevails and lowers the shields where they beam him out and stun him with a phaser (not because he's dangerous. Sisko just likes to take time out to enjoy himself!) They manage to extract Vantikas personality from the doctors, and it gets trapped inside a futuristic ashtray thing for all eternity, which of course Kajada has to arbitrarily vapouris much to the shock of the regular crew, because obviously the laws of due process aren't that big a deal. In short; the DS9 team are triumphant once more.


Mistakes and Questions

There is no background music in the opening shot of the runabout flying through space, or one of the exterior station scenes. A first I believe. It certainly feels weird to listen to.

Bashir says medical tricorders find it difficult to register death. Obviously because that ability isn't all that useful to a doctor anyway. But he then registers a death with one in this episode. Then he does in "Battlelines". Need I go on!!

Kira and Bashir beam onto a burning ship with toxic gasses in the atmosphere that is also venting into space rapidly. Note to the runabout manufacturers. There are things called spacesuits (or at the very least breathing apparatus) which are very useful in an oxygen poor /deficient environment (i e: most of the bloody universe), why not equip your ships with them.

Odo says Dax has 10 lifetimes of friends to choose from, before shacking up with Quark. Shouldn't that be 7 lifetimes?

Bashir says humanoids only use a tiny bit of the brain. This sounds suspiciously like that old urban myth "you use only 10% of your brain" which is not true at all. You use all your brain.

The thing Vantika uses on his fingernail to transfer his entire neural capacity to another is tidgy. In "Our Man Bashir" transferring the neural capacity of a humanoid nearly flooded the entire stations computer capacity to the max. Awesome bt of design that!

Betty's Thought for the Day.

Bashirs comments about him being fated to be a great healer, or being touched by destiny to be the great doctor he is would be shot down in flames in the fifth seasons "Doctor Bashir I Presume?" I won't spoil the revelations in that episode. But it is certainly an interesting contrast to what he says here!


Summary

There is nothing inherently that bad about this story, though it isn't all that great either. It's a pretty statndard "alien possession of the week" affair. It's pretty entertaining as it is, and the whole Odo / Primmin conflict is probably the strongest part of the episode (nice payoff when Primmin saves the day using Odo's unorthodox methods!), and sets up a plot thread that would be more effectively used later on down the line. It is a bit let down by the laboured acting in the "Bashir is possessed" scenes, and some of the contrived sciencey bits. But it is an enjoyable if fairly forgettable episode.


Rating. 6 / 10

Next Time

"Move Along Home". The low point of season 1. We watch some daft looking aliens play a boring game. Our main heroes hopping about singing stupid rhymes. And you can act like a complete bastard, because it's only a game after all.